Epic

Hmm. I was so emo, right. Well I have to admit, I cried. I cried so much that night. I cried shamelessly like a child craving for something he couldn't achieve. Or a child who just lost his teddy bear.
Now I'm ashamed to my dad. He asked why I was crying. I couldn't answer. And I can't answer here too. It's the most stupid thing, and regretly to say, I've done it.

So that's the reason why I skipped UAS first day. I wasn't ready for it. I couldn't study at the night before it, as I said, I had a heavy heart. I was tired too, I just had UI test at Samarinda.


The driver was crazy! It was like he was having heavy heart for something, so he drove madly, very extreme. Firstly, I didn't care much about it, but when the centrifugal kept messing up the whole bus, I became freaked out. Unfortunately I picked seat at the back, so I felt the whole sensation, I didn't miss a thing. I was reading Arlin's book until I gave up. But then I moved to the middle seat of the bus, so that I could read the book uninterruptedly. The book was actually entertaining, sad but enjoyable. It's titled,, hmm I forgot. I can only remember the word 'senja di wajahmu'. I think... But when the night fell, I stopped reading.
I also bought English novel, but it sucks. You must know about Oliver Twist. Well I wasn't interested in it. There are also some stories which is more interesting for me, like Alice In Wonderland, Frankenstain, those old legendary tales. But when Alice came to one third of Oliver Twist's thickness at the same price, economically, I chose Oliver Twist. But when I came back home, I unwrapped the wrapping plastic and I was surprised of how complicated the sentences are. How would you have not been so afraid when that giant bus drives exceeding 100 KPH!

So, that was Sunday. I started continuing my life at the following day, Monday. Skipping school, I spent the whole day watching TV, eating, and so on until I studied history. Bryan came to my house, he was like the only one who could smile me up when my smiles were currently turned upside down. It's like he gave me the miracle when I felt so lonely, down, and trapped in the depth of deranged feeling - when I tried to cheer up myself pathetically by singing SO WHAT over and over again. Alecia Beth Moore cheered me up with her distinct rockstyle.

One thing for sure, things are not getting better in time. I need time to heal the pain, maybe it'll take my whole life time.
I almost forgot to add, there's farewell party, prom night, on the sixteenth of April. All I need is a fairy godmother who'll transform me beautifully that only lasts until 12pm.

Ucha and Usi came to my house when I was about to begin blogging, asking me to have breakfast together. Well I said I didn't have money, I'm at the most crisis point of monetary. She persuaded me more, she said she's giving me loan. awkey, then I came along with them. Usi was so Qteeeeeeee! I couldn't bear, she was like five years old chubby baby girl. Sometimes, Ucha and I wished something ridiculous like the perfect USI look-a-like doll. A doll which has the same moisture, rubbery cheeks. I would buy one for myself. hahahaha


Then, I'm kinda fed up with crying, and broken heart stuff, all those things resulting me in pimples. I'm afraid my tear gland is going to have a long drought right after a long rainy season.
And this created new habit, I slapped myself when my reverie goes on, contemplating or even worst, regretting. But the kinetic for the slapping hurts me sometime. :(

I ate a lot when I felt depressed. I ate two portions of pangsit last night. I thought I couldn't make it up, but eventually I did.


Well, do you think it's kinda uneven for boys to cry?

Aku Menangis Hebat Semalam

Seperti anak kecil yang kehilangan mainannya.

Jalgayo

SO so WHAAT

Again, it's quoted from a song. Because I'm avoiding blue songs instead of cheerful and encouraging.
I like this part the most,

"So so what, I'm still a rock star. I got my rock moves. And I don't need you. And guess what? I'm having more fun. And now that we're done. I'm gonna show you tonight, I'm alright, I'm just fine, and you're a tool so!"


The song is fun, yet, after getting bored with the song, I like it, again. But I don't know yet, if I actually sing this song, what the lyric would be. "So so what? I'm still a ..."what? I don't have anything of myself to be proud of. stupid~

So it's friday already, and I haven't studied anything. Gosh I really worry now. hmm... I planned to study last night, but there was a blackout. shoot! So I decided to sleep. I hope this day, I will get sufficient study.


Hmm, something unusual happened couple a day ago. My house had an unexpected visitor standing in my kitchen. It was a small LIZARD. It startled me. I ran towards my dad and let him know. He was kind of afraid too. But we finally made it. We cooperated and he successfully wrapped IT with a napkin. He wanted me to throw it away. Andwaee!! I hate lizards, I despise REPTILES. Ugh It's so repulsive I couldn't bear it. But finally I collected enough guts to throw it away. I threw it in front of the house. I don't care where it would go. Ugh....
Then my dad was suffocating. He said it was tiring.

SIGH~ All I have to do now is inhale and exhale. Inhale cheerful stuffs and exhale all of the sorrow. I believe everything gets better in time. :)

There's a Possibility

These words were quoted from the soundtrack of Twilight Saga - New moon, which is my favorit movie from the tetralogy of twilight saga. Possibility by Lykke Li. This is the background song when Bella is utterly depressed because Edward left her with no reason. She was stressed out and always staring at the window, summer, autumn, winter...

The song has a sad atmosphere, in fact, very sad. Like the perfect suicidal soundtrack.

And the song was incredibly fit to me either. I've had sort of depression too. But not because my vampire boyfriend left me, because of some reasons. I exiled myself a week after UN.

Oh, UN had passed, and so had the UTUL. I hope I can get the best in both of them. So that I don't have to worry about study anymore, just like I do now. I worry much about SIMAK UI, which is going to be held this Sunday, and also UAS. All of the UAS subjects are the subjects I hate at most. History, civil, computer, agh.. I hate memorizing so much. But apparently I have to go through with them, since I'm taking IPC test at SIMAK, so at least civil and history will do. :)

so, back to my depression, I had exiled myself, I deactivated my facebook account, in which I always got depression in it when I maintained using it. So, I threw it all away. Then I watched lot of movies. I went to odiva few times, Odiva is a kind of rental shop for DVDs and VCDs, chainshop... I also tried to eat lot of ice creams, now I'm having cough as a result :(

I watched Coraline, Ice Age, Ghost Town, Cloudy with a chance of Meatball, made of Honor, and Julie & Julia. The last one impressed me the most. The title is not so interesting, but considering Meryl Streep and Amy Adams star the movie, I was interested enough to pick that out to the cashier desk.

The movie is about cooking. Julia Child (Meryl Streep) was a woman who tried to spend his leisure time, but she had no idea about it, since she and her husband didn't have any children. She tried to learn poker, but she quitted. In the end, she tried to master cooking, and she mastered it very well. Then she successfully published cooking book about french food in English, which at that time, there was no such a book made in English. The recipes are incredible. The food seemed so delicious.
And then, go to future, Julie Powell (Amy Adams) is Julia Child's number one fan. She likes cooking either. One day, she tries to create blog which all of the contents are about her cooking experiences. Actually, she is evaluating all of the Julia Child's recipes. At first, she says the idea was such a deranged idea, but eventually she's done 524 recipes in 365 days. how wonderful..
the movie is kinda hilarious either. I like Meryl Streep, I like her accent. So bloody french...



The blog thing really impresses me. By blogging, she's got lot of fans. She gets miscellaneous from her fans, sent via mail. Just so my dream. But I'm not so good at cooking, so what can I do to impress the world. Oh I wish someday there's a mail from my fans. hahahaha

But the quality of the Discs weren't good. Sometimes I had to skip some parts because the movie stopped playing. So silly. well that is rental shop. I cannot sue. hahaha

Now I'm busy finishing Kkot boda namja. I've done 24 out of 25 episodes. too bad the last one has the very bad quality. unlike the other 24, so sadly I cannot watch the episodes 25. The film stops everytime, just like buffering on youtube. ugh!