There's a Possibility

These words were quoted from the soundtrack of Twilight Saga - New moon, which is my favorit movie from the tetralogy of twilight saga. Possibility by Lykke Li. This is the background song when Bella is utterly depressed because Edward left her with no reason. She was stressed out and always staring at the window, summer, autumn, winter...

The song has a sad atmosphere, in fact, very sad. Like the perfect suicidal soundtrack.

And the song was incredibly fit to me either. I've had sort of depression too. But not because my vampire boyfriend left me, because of some reasons. I exiled myself a week after UN.

Oh, UN had passed, and so had the UTUL. I hope I can get the best in both of them. So that I don't have to worry about study anymore, just like I do now. I worry much about SIMAK UI, which is going to be held this Sunday, and also UAS. All of the UAS subjects are the subjects I hate at most. History, civil, computer, agh.. I hate memorizing so much. But apparently I have to go through with them, since I'm taking IPC test at SIMAK, so at least civil and history will do. :)

so, back to my depression, I had exiled myself, I deactivated my facebook account, in which I always got depression in it when I maintained using it. So, I threw it all away. Then I watched lot of movies. I went to odiva few times, Odiva is a kind of rental shop for DVDs and VCDs, chainshop... I also tried to eat lot of ice creams, now I'm having cough as a result :(

I watched Coraline, Ice Age, Ghost Town, Cloudy with a chance of Meatball, made of Honor, and Julie & Julia. The last one impressed me the most. The title is not so interesting, but considering Meryl Streep and Amy Adams star the movie, I was interested enough to pick that out to the cashier desk.

The movie is about cooking. Julia Child (Meryl Streep) was a woman who tried to spend his leisure time, but she had no idea about it, since she and her husband didn't have any children. She tried to learn poker, but she quitted. In the end, she tried to master cooking, and she mastered it very well. Then she successfully published cooking book about french food in English, which at that time, there was no such a book made in English. The recipes are incredible. The food seemed so delicious.
And then, go to future, Julie Powell (Amy Adams) is Julia Child's number one fan. She likes cooking either. One day, she tries to create blog which all of the contents are about her cooking experiences. Actually, she is evaluating all of the Julia Child's recipes. At first, she says the idea was such a deranged idea, but eventually she's done 524 recipes in 365 days. how wonderful..
the movie is kinda hilarious either. I like Meryl Streep, I like her accent. So bloody french...



The blog thing really impresses me. By blogging, she's got lot of fans. She gets miscellaneous from her fans, sent via mail. Just so my dream. But I'm not so good at cooking, so what can I do to impress the world. Oh I wish someday there's a mail from my fans. hahahaha

But the quality of the Discs weren't good. Sometimes I had to skip some parts because the movie stopped playing. So silly. well that is rental shop. I cannot sue. hahaha

Now I'm busy finishing Kkot boda namja. I've done 24 out of 25 episodes. too bad the last one has the very bad quality. unlike the other 24, so sadly I cannot watch the episodes 25. The film stops everytime, just like buffering on youtube. ugh!

Prayerful Day

Yep, according to the title, it was a day full of praying. Few days left to the final national exam. It’ll be nice to have it done - to have all of this busyness well done. Final exam will be held approximately on Monday to Friday. Wish me Luck!

And Saturday morning I will be off to Balikpapan, having UTUL test – UGM one. I hope everything’s gonna be alright, since I already failed in the PBS before. So it’s not my first time having UGM selection test. And it will be like the previous test, we’ll stay in Zurich Hotel. There’s rumor that the hotel was scary and spooky. Some said there is something behind the purpose of mirror placing in each floor.

About today, we were all in aula, at first. Then teachers distinguished us according to our own beliefs, ordering Christ people to go to multimedia, perhaps, and the rest moslems to stay in aula. We did sholat dhuha and got some guidance from our teachers, both technically about UN and religiously about self-introspection. They said, it’s the most important thing right now, besides studying hard – we have to get ourselves to be closer to our almighty lord. That was the point of the preach this morning.






check the rest of happiness combined with silliness here.

Epidemic

Here’s the day, the following day. Nothing goes so nice so far, just as planned and as I thought, boring and uninteresting. LOL

But yes something did yesterday. Not nice actually, bad. I went to sleep earlier, by 9 pm. Because I was utterly upset for something I cannot tell you what. It was a bad night. I planned to study by three in the morning but it’s still a rough time for me to stay wake up. So it’s pointless anyway.

When I checked my phone, there were seven new messages. Most of them contained about friendships which are going to end as the last term ends. That’s so sad. But I didn’t feel sad because I was sleepy and out of consciousness.

Today is Thursday, definitely. We got invitation for our parents to attend the parents meeting due to the coming UN and inform them about the try out scores. My parents were not coming, but my brother was, because my dad was having his schedule for his routine hemodialysis and my mom was in duty, she’s a teacher. He represents my parents. He was so enthusiastic about this, I don’t know why. Even my parents don’t. LOL

Since my parents don’t care about this, in contrast, my brother might be really enthusiastic about it. And now I’m afraid he will scold me later after he finds out that I was absent for a day try out. I was sick and preparing ITB test. I hope I can get in. Just wait and hope I would be admitted, because it was very painful to be denied from a university, and traumatic!

He was the figure that most of friends afraid of. LOL they said he has dark aura that will decrease their happiness and turn into sorrow. Imaginative!

He went out from the room and gave me the result. Nothing’s special, as usual, pure seven. And there are some 6s too. LOL

Oh… there was English class again. I was too suspicious that he would repeat the preceding bad day. But no, he talked something more regarding the UN. And Ucha asked him to sing together again. Then she got her wish, we sang “I can’t Smile without You” again. But then, he asked Aga and Ori to take a guitar from his office. Then he played the guitar. Try to defy me what song it was?

Simply “Love of My Life” by queen. That’s probably the same-aged song. But it was nice. He then searched the lyric out the internet.And I was mesmerized by the lyric, simple but deep. I was touched. It’s like the song was written perfectly as what my conscience is. You know, I’m an adolescent, I can feel the bloom of teenager’s love. LOL stupid excuse…

And friends were humming so smoothly, like the glory of angels. Of course I wouldn’t sing, I wouldn’t let this glorious joy get disrupted by my crappy voice. LOL out of tune…

Since “Love of My Life” was influenced by Queen, he also added the biography of the singer. He’s dead now. He was dead in 1991 due to Bronchial Pneumonia, because of his AIDS affliction. My teacher added that he was once a gay, but he wasn’t anymore because he showed to the world that he married a woman. Try to find about his more in Wikipedia.

how can I stand still?

Hmm. The days were going pathetically the same. Yeah we all know it’s a week before UN is going to be held, but why does YPK still oblige us to go to school regularly? Seeing as how free now the other schools are, I’m a bit jealous, you know. Isn’t it just unfair? But sometimes I have to remind myself to stop groaning about this, these all are meant for my best. Besides, I’m not guaranteeing myself that I will study in home as frequent as I do in school. It’s good overall, but still, the hardest thing to do is to wake up by 6 sharp.

UN is coming and I still can breathe, not suffocating already. I worry much about college. I hope I can really get the university I’ve wanted. I’m afraid they won’t admit me. Hope things will be easy. Amen.

Soon after that I can emit sighs of relief. I’ll be freshman and yet, getting older. Huh~ I’ll be very distance with my parents. Hope I can survive out there. May Allah be with me all the time and let me keep in touch with Allah.

Today wasn’t a good day, so far. You know, English is the only exhilarating subject to me amongst those frustrating exact subjects – such as physics, chem, bio and math. But, the English teacher is not expected. He is the only reason why I felt so gross for learning English. Isn’t a teacher supposed to teach the students accordingly? Like evaluating preceding Examinations, talking grammars, translating together… That’d be fun. But guess he only evaluated Examination once, the very first one. After that, no more evaluating... All we do is exercising without an evaluation. How great is that? How do we determine our faults? Maybe he got tired teaching for so many years.

Or sometimes he discusses a very boring topic with us, pointless topic. Without knowing where our conversation goes. And also, he occasionally neglects us, sadly we had no struggle.

Lastly, he brought a speaker to our class and then played an old music – more like his favorite music, and then let us transcribe the lyric. Eventually, he coerced us to sing together. Ugh, I didn’t want to sing, so I lipsynced. Once he caught me for not singing, he admonished me that if I hadn’t sung, he would let me sing in front of the class. He should know that I don’t sing (at least not in front of people), because I really don’t have a good voice, no singing aptitude at all. Seriously, he doesn’t want me to do it. LOL

Suppose I enjoy the music, I liked his music, but it’s like two years ago. I’m already sick of the song. Barry Manilow – I Can’t Smile Without You. Oh snap, even Dea and I had been singing the song and changed the lyric like “..I feel glad when you’re sad, I feel sad when you’re glad…”

So lame…Gross!

The next song was Josh Groban – To Where You Are. It’s a good song, but it came along with him, it doesn’t fit to my ear. LOL. It’s like he was trying to adjust us to be influenced with HIS. Maybe next time he will have us half bald too. No sir, just kidding.

Kiddo

UGH… I always think of this stupid epidemic that unconditionally irritates me all the time. Everytime I log on to facebook all those conspicuousness will definitely show up on my screen.
About the underage people who use socialite community, and even worse, they declare themselves mature enough to be the part of it. It’s just so not a good circumstance when immature people think that they’re mature and talk as if they’re ten years older than me. And for what do they have to expose their private life to public. So taggy. Gross… This isn’t about jealousy. I so don’t want to be like them, of course. I detest it. I realize much my age and act like what I’m supposed to be.

Well about this mindset, I think I’m in a phase of maturity – a phase when a teenager has to leave ridiculous stuffs and think more about future and all of seriousness. I think I’m having this phase. Forget about being so kiddy, just so not my era now. All I have to contemplate is my future – a bright future, and life. Life is short and just don’t let it go to waste.
Uhh sooner or later I’m facing the unexpected graduation. After three years hanging together, I don’t want us to be apart. It’s like my worst nightmare is coming to reality. We’ve been held tightly in this togetherness. Now it’s the perfect time to sing Graduation by Vitamin-C

Argh I think I need more vocabulary expansion.

nationalism?

ok i'm going to talk something different this time, less personal, less about my daily life. more about mind set.

yesterday, officials from Euro Management came along to our school from jakarta for giving us a presentation about study aboard or sometimes popular as study overseas. to where? to europe of course. they have two options, germany or france. i was interested to go to france but my destination changed as they finished the presentation and description of benefits dwelling in germany. the college fee is very cheap. cheap cheap cheap cheap!!! even if you're lucky you don't have pay any bucks. just think about the living cost. it's a bit considerable. living cost for a month can add up to 600 euro. hmm. but they said, after the first year, the fees will no longer be a problem to you. because you're allowed to get a part time job with a tempting salary. that is able to cover up the outcome from your parents or else you don't have to ask for money to your parents anymore as the third term begins. interested so far?
awh, okay my purpose is not to promote the euro management.
i just want to tell that it's very hard to me to decide now.

the procedure is, you have to pay for the language course in jakarta. for about 6 months starting this July 2010. so you'll be leaving to europe by the january of 2011 and officially admitted to a university by the summer of 2011. how long? very longggggg. i'm not sure i can keep up...

they said, european really appreaciate and cherish each other. he also added that doctor has a common allowance as most of other jobs. That's what we cannot find in this bleepin country.

this is the difference between europe and indonesia. indonesians, not all, really care about their self importance. they only think about themselves and less think about the others. as we live in a community, in social, we should care about others instead of getting rid of weak people, or putting other people down. that's the inherited behavior that would never go change, i think. i love indonesia so much, it's my motherland, but i dislike indonesian and the way indonesian people use to think. it's not more than about selfishness, ambition, obsessiveness, and money.

it's my luck that i live in a good surrounding--a sincere, honest, nice, thoughtful, intelligence community. we just don't know yet, will we get the precise surrounding in present or a worse one? no one guarantees.

so that's what i was conceiving at the preach of "sholat jumat" this time. I could barely hear the preacher speakin so my mind had gone out somewhere further than where i spot. i'm fascinated by the simple-short presentation yesterday. it's just awesome. but i don't want to postpone my freshman-ness until next year. it just sucks...

and you know what sucks a lot more?
this feelin about someone. lol

OH! It's finally Out

Since I'm utterly in love with SNSD, or most known as Girls Generation, I've been waiting the OH! MV these days.

ahh it's soo young on the screen, my fave in SNSD.

Oh I think I'm lovin the entire MV.